It Could Happen to You

 

You Travel Far to Discover Home by Ben

 

“Fairy tales can come true. It can happen to you... if you're young at heart.”  

 

Well, although what you are about to read now is not exactly a love story, it does have its fair share of love.   The reason we have this headline is because, while the author was gathering thoughts for this piece, this very phrase actually popped up in mind.

 

Being a true believer in intuition, the author decided to stay with it.   Who knows, this headline might draw the attention of someone out there who normally does not care to read this humble column, especially the romantic type!

 

Today we are going to look into a real life story of one of the author's friends from high school years.   She kindly allowed the author to share her story with the readers because she also believes it would really benefit someone who may have led a life similar to her.   In other words, she also believes that it could happen to you, dear readers.

 

Could it be you?

Enters Collette (her French nickname, given by our French teacher in high school).   Collette used to believe that she has always had a decent life.   And the author agrees with her. She is a bright lady brimmed with so much energy that she always electrifies everyone around her.   And because of that, she has always been an achiever who has done great things not only for herself but for others around her as well.

 

Since high school, Collette made it to the university and faculty of her first choice and thoroughly enjoyed her college years. Then, she went overseas for her masters'.   Coming back to Thailand, she fell in love and got married with a good-looking, respectable gentleman who dotes on her and who has also won the heart of her family.

 

If that alone is not enough.   Collette has more.   She always got to do what she wanted to do, not only in her career, but also in social work which is as important to her life as her family and work.   She made some decent investment in real property and stocks and she was able to live comfortably.

 

Collette travelled a lot, both in Thailand and abroad.   A life-long educational advocate, she always enjoyed learning new things and became the indispensable source of information when her friends need help.   From health care to travel tips to restaurant recommendations, all you have to do is to give Collette a call. You won't be disappointed.

 

A perfect life, you might say.   What more could a lady ask for? Children?   Well, she and her husband do not have any but that was also their wish.   She is busy enough now with her beloved nephew and never felt that her life is missing anything.

 

This first part of fairy tale's life was abruptly disrupted recently, when Thailand has entered a period of political and social mess. Being highly social-minded (she spent six months in Phuket helping victims of the 2004 Asian Tsunami), Collette felt exhausted. She developed some kind of deep-rooted depression that slowly built up in her subconscious mind.   She felt that no matter what she did or tried to do to help the society, we are still in a big political, social, and moral chaos.

 

No matter how much love and dedication her husband, family and friends gave her, Collette was not able to shake off that heavy feeling.   It took a toll on her health.   One day, she found herself crying at night, not knowing exactly why she did so.

 

Being a courageous lady, she thought she could tough it out like she used to do with any other issues in life.   It turned out that she could not.   For three months, Collette found herself crying every night.

 

No matter how much merit she tried to do, no matter how many good activities she tried to engage herself in, her depression did not go away.

 

Collette was crying when she called the author one evening. She did not know what was happening to her.   After trying to calm her down and give her some positive encouragement, the author invited her to come along for a mindfulness meditation retreat.

 

Although Collette knew that it is a good thing to do, especially if you are a Buddhist, she did not agree to go immediately.   In other words, she still could not connect how mindfulness meditation could help her in the real world, in her daily life. Instead, she turned to a life of nightly parties.   She tried to travel abroad even more often. But she could not get away from the depression in her own mind.

 

The author could not remember how long time went by until Collette gave another call.   Perhaps it was months later.   This time, she was more composed.   Sensing that she might be ready to go now, the author invited her again, "Hey, I'm going again in two weeks' time.   Wanna join?"

 

Without hesitation, Collette said, "Yes, can you please book a place for me?"

 

The author literally jumped with joy.   "Yes!" was the reaction that spontaneously sprang up in the author's mind.   For the author knew that, with her energy and her dedication to a cause she believes in, she would excel in her retreat and thus being able to lift herself out of her constant depression.

 

The author was not disappointed.   Collette did give 100% in her very first retreat.   The author observed with admiration how she delved into each practice session with sheer determination and zest.   It was only the fourth day of our eight-day, seven-night retreat that Collette came to realize what life actually is and what her purpose of life should be.

 

She was able to see, by herself and not by anyone telling her so, that each and every suffering she experienced in life only came from within.   And she also learned that, while she can not change the world, she could indeed change herself and achieve peace even if she is still living among the same old chaos.   She also discovered that if she wants to continue "saving the world," she could still to do so.   The only difference is that now she already sees that the only cause worth promoting to people is the cause of mindfulness.

 

If people have mindfulness in the Buddhist sense of the word, Collette discovered, the society would naturally be peaceful simply because one would be able to have compassion for all.

 

In one lengthy sitting session when the pain disturbed her so much while she was concentrating on cultivating mindfulness, she saw, with her mind's eyes, flashes of the brands of her favorite alcohol drinks.   Then, a wisdom inside her told her that she has to quit this if she wants to have sustainable peace in her life.

 

And once she gave a determined vow to herself and to Lord Buddha during that sitting that she would not touch those beverages anymore, Collette experienced miracle.   She was able to live with that pain with a peaceful mind.   The pain did not go away miraculously, but her mind was lifted up one notch.   And she was free.

 

In later sitting sessions, she even found herself smiling during the sitting.   Collette has found the proven path to the peace within.

 

And Collette is now back on her fairy tale's life again, thanks to her willing to be "young at heart," meaning always opening up to learn new things.   In Zen parlance, we call it "a beginner's mind."   A Zen mind/beginner's mind opens up to any possibilities and not limited to our past experience.

 

Now, because she could make peace with herself, she could make peace with anyone.   And that is the part that is related to love.   For Collette was able to give loving kindness to all beings, including to her so-called political foe.   Her complexion, a reflection of her mind, is now glowing healthily.   Everybody in her family was astonished how glowing and happy she was when they welcomed her back home.   Now everyone in her family wants to go the retreat.

 

If you have lived your life like Collette did, believing that you already have a decent livelihood and never cause harm to anyone, Collette has a message for you.   "This (the mindfulness retreat) is the best thing that ever happened in my life.   I wished I had done it earlier."   She is still the same highly energetic Collette, but she now knows how to let go.   Collette is as driven as ever, but she no longer feels exhausted.   If this is not a fairy tale with a happy ending, then, what do you think it is?

 

Well, what are you waiting for?   It could happen to you, you know. :-)

The Zen of Pain: Part II

 

Crying Baby by CeeKay’s Pix

Two weeks ago, we began our discussion on something that all of us will sooner or later come across in life - pain.   We looked into the nature of pain and also the fact that pain is in fact one of Zen's specialties.

This week, let us hear from a Zen master what he has to say about pain and illness in general.  After all, it is better to know beforehand how to handle pain and illness while you are still relatively healthy. To try to cram on this mind-training practice when you are already in deep pain or severe illness is going to be much harder.

By the way, the emphasis on Zen does not mean that Buddhist masters of the Theravada tradition are less able than their Zen counterparts when it comes to gaining wisdom from pain. To practice vipassana under a good teacher, one naturally knows what pain is. Vedana (feelings or sensation) is one of the Four Foundations of Mindfulness, Satipatthana is that which one would definitely encounter and gain wisdom from.

The difference, perhaps, is the emphasis. From the little experience that the author has had with both traditions, Zen seems to zero in on the ability to cultivate wisdom out of extremely trying physical and mental conditions. This applies not just to zazen, or sitting meditation, but on other types of Zen-inspired training as well such as martial arts.

Moreover, it does not mean that one has to engage in one "formal" form of Zen training or another in order to have a shot at wisdom and, consequently, freedom from suffering.  The ability to apply Zen to daily living so that one would know how to deal with impromptu physical and mental suffering is what Zen is all about.

The following are insights from the teachings of Zen master Seung Sahn, to which the author has added additional commentaries.

Your Physical Body is Not Your True Self

The first lesson from Master Seung Sahn is that you have to understand that your physical body is not your true self.

Well, that is a tough one.  For those who have not physically experienced in a retreat the fact that the body and mind are two separate entities, this very first lesson is already difficult to swallow.   How could my body not be my "self"?  If it is not "me" that can feel, and in turn got terrified of, pain, who could that be?

Relax, the master said. Do not be afraid of your sickness (and/or pain).   At times everybody is afraid of what will happen to their body.   Rather than assuming that "I must be healed," the master suggested that we must understand the Ultimate Truth first.

And what is that Truth?  It is that everyone dies.

The Question Worth Asking

Certainly, we will all die. In fact, we can even die sooner than any statistics suggest, meaning our death could be from countless other causes totally unrelated to our illness.

Once that realization is firmly settled in our minds, the next logical question would naturally follow, "... Why, then, do I have to go through this much suffering of illness, pain, and, on top of that, face the fear of dying?"

The question itself gives hint to the answer. If there was no "you" to begin with, would there be any being that can feel the pain?  Definitely not.

It is because "we" were born that there is this physical body to serve as a breeding ground for various illness and hence the pain.

It is because we were born that we must become ill, have pain, and die.

One of my vipassana teachers even went one step further and suggested that, when we were asked what caused the death of Mr so-and-so whom we happened to know, we should simply reply, "birth."

My teacher is right. Birth is the real "natural cause" of death. Not only for Mr so-and-so, but also for all of us.

Turn This Pain into an Opportunity

But why do we have to be born, then, to face all these sufferings?  If you have not yet found your teacher and started practicing mindfulness, this question may pop up in your mind now and then.  The more pain you have or the more serious your illness is, the more often this question would come up to bother you.

This is how Master Seung Sahn's teaching fits in.  He simply invited us to find out first what human beings really are, meaning why we were born, and what for?   His reason is that, if you do indeed find the answer, your direction will be clear when you die.

And if not?  The Master gave a simple and to-the-point answer.  He said that our consciousness will go round and round.  If the pain you are facing now, either physical and mental, seems unbearable to you, the idea of facing that very same pain over and over again should at least make you cringe and try to find out more how to get out of all this as soon as you can.   Not just this very present pain, but every future pain.

If losing your direction while you are still living is a problem, imagine how horrifying it would be if you lose your direction when you are dying?  How can you be sure that you could direct your mind, your consciousness, into the right direction?

Having survived near-death experience before, the author could assure the readers that indeed mindfulness does help in that crucial moment.   At least, your mind is calm, your direction is clear.   The result?  Well, to each his own karma.

This brings us to ask ourselves if we have created any positive karma lately?  Even in pain and illness, you can still create good karma for yourself. How?  By living a Zen life and practicing mindfulness at every waking moment, of course!   If you are now having pain in your life, regard it as a perfect opportunity to become Enlightened.   All you have to do is to start finding out what your true self is.  Think of it as the most special gift you can give to yourself because, quite frankly, we all deserve it.

The Zen of Pain: Part I

It is important to realize that pain, crashing though it can be, comes in waves. Mindfulness training will help you find refuge betweens those breaks. Crashing Waves by Jose Guillermo

In our life as a human being, one thing we can not escape from is pain. Physical or mental, one-time-off or long-term, we are likely to be exposed to it sooner or later in life, if not already.

Yet, inevitable as it is, we do not seem to have a clue what it is. Has it ever occurred to you that while the pain we sustain is right here with us, either with our body or mind, we always run to others to learn what it is and ask others how to deal with it?

Not that the author is that much different from this conventional, spontaneous reaction. In fact, the motivation to write this week’s installment came from the very recent hospital stay due to severe migraine.

When one experiences such acute level of pain that renders one helpless, literally grasping for air, shaking, losing sight in one eye, on the verge of throwing up while one’s jaw bones dropping and locking themselves in an unmovable, contorted position, one naturally has two desire. The first is not wanting to experience it again oneself, the second is not wanting anyone to have to go through this kind of pain. Ever.

So that was the motivation behind this piece. Of course the ultimate answer that the author like to emphasize is to solve the problem at its root cause—by trying not be born again so that we would no longer have to go through this pain cycle. But that is our longer-term goal. Meanwhile, now that we have been born and still have to go through various pain in our life, let us learn how to navigate through it as best as we can.

Here’s the catch: this attempt to learn from pain would not only help us now, but the accumulation of the learning would contribute to the eventual Enlightenment itself. Yes, it is just like killing two birds with one stone, if you would forgive the cruelty of the expression.

This does not mean the author is telling you to avoid the doctor or any other professional help at all cost and just handle each and any pain yourself. Given our modern-day living, it is only “natural” for us to go see doctor about any pain or illness we may have. What the author is trying to tell you, though, is that there are many things you could do to be better informed about your pain before, during, and after you receive a medical treatment. Consider it your personal bonus, if you will.

The Nature of Pain

First of all, like anything else in life, pain is impermanent. For those with really sharp mindfulness or those practicing in a retreat, they would be able to see between the smallest temporal units of “pain interval” that happens, stays, and goes away. For some, pain may seem to come and go with every pulse, others would be able to see even between that.

In real life, when we are likely to live move around in our “auto-pilot” mode and as a result being unaware of this very nature, most pain, physical or mental, would seem to last “forever.” This by itself is an obvious incentive to learn mindfulness. At least your mind would find it easier to remain calm because you knew, by experience, that your pain would not last forever.

And why a calm mind is important in that crucial moment of intense physical pain? From the medical point of view, a calmer mind would help one deals with pain better. But one can not just achieve that calmness by just telling oneself to be calm. It is a very specialized skill that has to be practiced, under supervision, until one experienced it oneself how calmness can arise out of acute pain.

At the very least, the “ability” to find temporary refuge through the “mini-break” between each pain, tiny span of time though it may be, is a big plus. Think of it as an occasional grasp of air when you are on the verge of drowning.

When your mind is concentrated long enough on “catching” the “black hole” of time and space between each throbbing pain, a certain calmness would occur. It would likely be enough to carry you through the time you have to wait until a medical professional attend to your pain and/or the time when the first dose of steroid-laced painkiller take effect.

Zen and Pain

Naturally, Zen is a specialty of Zen masters. They should know best, given the grueling training of horrendously long hours of sitting meditation where any movement is not allowed.

And do not underestimate the sharp eyes of a Zen master who walks down the aisle, watching his disciples sitting, carrying a wooden stick. The purpose? To hit one who moves or falls asleep. If you think you could get away with wiggling your toes under the layperson’s robe, think again. In fact, most people the author talked to fear the master (and his stick) more than one’s pain. In other words, they sort of tough it out through out the session, pain and all that. And that is how people gain wisdom from their zazen, or sitting meditation.

And it takes years, if not a life time, of intense practice before one can truly become a Zen master, having one’s own stamp of approval from one’s teacher with a license to teach. Therefore, the masters must certainly know a think or two about pain and how one can gain wisdom from it. In two weeks’ time, we will be back discussing some interesting insights from selected Zen masters.

Until then, let us be mindful and take good care of our physical and mental health so that no severe pain can get us and knock us unconscious! Unconsciousness is the state that is furthest removed from wisdom, the ability to remain “awakened,” so to speak. It starts with a will power, you know. A fierce determination, if you will, to get out of this suffering business altogether. The Path is not that easy, but it is attainable.

Therefore, do not be despair if you get knocked around quite a fair bit by pain. Like a good boxer, you do get up after you have been knocked down. One day, it would be your turn. That would be the day when pain does not disturb your life anymore. It will still occur, but your mind won’t be perturbed. It will be your turn to knock the pain down. Yes, down and out.